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Friday, June 20, 2008
I'M SAD ABOUT IT
Lee Moses
1966
Available on : Time and Place [reissue]
Castle : 2006
[Buy It]
SAD TOMORROWS
Marvin Gaye
1971
Available on : What's Going On [reissue]
Motown : 2001
[Buy It]
SAD SONG
Rachel Sweet
1978
Available on : Fool Around: The Best of Rachel Sweet
Rhino : 1992
[Buy It]
SO SAD ABOUT US
Shaun Cassidy
Wasp
Warner Bros. : 1980
[Buy It]
Cliff Arnall, a psychologist at the University of Cardiff at Wales, is a specialist in human moods and the conditions necessary to produce them. A few years ago, he used science to determine the unhappiest day of the year. Later on, he developed a precise way to measure the pleasures obtained during weekends. His proclamations are always accompanied by equations. For example, here is Arnall's equation for a perfect long weekend:
(C x R x ZZ) / ((Tt + D) x St) + (P x Pr) >400 A key is required. Tt equals travel time, D equals delays, C equals time spent on cultural activities, R equals time spent relaxing, ZZ equals time spent sleeping, St equals time spent in a state of stress, P equals time spent packing, and Pr equals time spent in preparation. Got it?
Of course you don't, unless you are insistently obtuse. No one gets it. There is nothing to get. It is an ugly thing, this equation, and unwieldy, and senseless in many small details (why Tt for travel time rather than just T?). It is also wrong down to its socks; as the doctor, journalist, and idiot-debunker Ben Goldacre pointed out, "if you pack for 10 hours and prepare for 40, then you get a result of 400, meaning you've apparently had a great weekend." Once I was going out of town with a girlfriend. I packed for ten hours and prepared for forty. It was not a great weekend. She got on the wrong side of a bad oyster and deposited her body weight in vomit upon the bed. [Ed. Note: Since the publication of this piece, an eagle-eyed reader has pointed out that Arnall's equation puts preparation and packing in the denominator, not the numerator, so that a high pack/prepare number would actually limit the pleasure of a trip. Well, the same rule holds. Once I packed a ton and prepared two tons and had a great vacation. Once I ran off spontaneously and forgot to bring pants. And not in a fun way.]
Goldacre's column goes on to point out that Arnall's infamous "Worst Day of the Year" equation was not only promoted by the TV channel SkyTravel but actually designed by the channel:
It's not surprising that these equations are so stupid, because they come from the PR companies almost fully-formed and ready to have your name attached to them. I know that because I have received an avalanche of insider stories--Watergate it isn't--including one from an academic in psychology who was offered money by Porter Novelli PR agency to put his name to the very same Sky Travel equation story that Arnall sold his to. In amongst their aggressive pitch they described how the story would go.
"Blue Monday - January Blues Day is Officially Announced: The 26th January is the most depressing day in the calendar for the majority of Brits as measured by a simple mathematical formula developed on behalf of Sky Travel.
"By taking into account various factors such as avg temperature (C), days since last pay (P), days until next bank holiday (B), avg hours of daylight (D) and number of nights in during mth (N), we create a formula such as C(P+B) N+D. This formula allows us to work out the day with the highest 'depression factor' which you can then use as a focus for making things better, booking your holiday etc ..." This is almost exactly as it was when Arnall revealed his important work to the world. This story is old news. Goldacre's piece ran more than a year ago. So why praise him, or bury Cliff Arnall, in June 2008? Well, here's why: because the ghost still walks. Four times today, I have heard from people that today is the happiest day of the year, and I have heard it because there is a story--a new story--making the rounds. Here is an excerpt from a piece that ran in today's Atlanta Journal Constitution:
Apparently it's the combination of brighter evenings, childhood memories, and the prospect of summer holidays that puts the best possible spin on today.
On paper, Arnall's equation looks like this: O + (N x S) + Cpm/T + He.
O is time spent outdoors.
N is time spent in nature.
S is more socialization in the summer.
Cpm relates to positive memories of childhood summers.
T factors in temperature.
He is vacation anticipation.
Arnall said his calculation isn't rocket science. Being outside produces energy, while increased socialization--such as barbecues with neighbors--stimulates pleasure zones in the brain. Also arousing feelings of euphoria are pleasant memories of childhood summers and the fact that vacations are just around the corner. This piece is foolish. Everything about it. But it would be innocuous enough were it not for the fact it's dead reverse wrong. Today is, as it turns out, not only not the happiest day of the year, but one of the sadder days. It's in the bottom half, easily. I have run across a handful of people today who are having sad days for no precise reason. Not bad days, but sad days. "I feel down," one friend said. "Not sure why." Another friend of mine had a good reason. His girlfriend recently told him that she wasn't sure how she felt about things, and that she had been thinking about an ex-boyfriend of hers, and in her thoughts he was not wearing pants. I told him he was supposed to be happy, and explained Arnall's equation. "Eff him," he said, and then sighed. He didn't even have the strength to say "fuck." A third friend is traveling, and she told me that she was at a train station, and she saw a young mother treating her infant son cruelly. "She had blank eyes, the mother," my friend said. "Aren't you supposed to love a baby no matter what? The whole thing just made me fear for humanity." And a fourth friend is going through some changes, as they say, and as a result she has been off the radar, and her decision to be off the radar saddens me. So that's five: a handful. My wife started the day thrilled. The weather was nice. Her coffee had just enough cream in it. But as soon as she heard about Arnall's equation, the day took a sharp downturn, in large part because of the equation. "Most days are going to have plenty of everything," she said. "How insulting is it to pick one day as a designated happy day? Now I'm in a terrible mood."
I don't blame these people for selling out Arnall's best-day propaganda. I run it in reverse, and blame his best-day propaganda for selling out these people. In their honor, in Dr. Goldacre's honor, here are some songs about sadness. Two are soul rarities, one from the nearly unknown Lee Moses, one from the universally revered Marvin Gaye. Two are power-pop oddities from former teen idols who have forged successful second careers on the small screen. I hope that this music will, though a combination of its formal skill, beauty, emotional reality, and energy, make you happy. (Fs + B) * (Er + En).Labels: ben
posted by Ben
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