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Wednesday, May 16, 2007
TRUST
The Pretty Things
S.F. Sorrow
Snapper : 1968
[Buy It]
Recently, I was talking to a friend of mine in Chicago, and the issue of trust came up. I noted that at times in our friendship - which has spanned eight years, three cities, various jobs and relationships - she has not trusted me. "Of course," she said, like I was stupid for not noticing sooner. "I'm sorry," I said, though I was lamenting more than apologizing. Why has she not always trusted me? Well, look. It's none of your business. I think we can all agree on that. I'll only say that there have been periods where I behaved imperfectly. My intentions were good, of course, but as my imaginary rural grandmother likes to say, "Good intentions are like an empty milking bucket." I like this friend tremendously, and during periods of difficulty I always feel pain, but the trust between us hasn't always been easy to rebuild. Why? I must have said it out loud, because she said, "What?" I stammered the conversation to an end and then went to look for an answer to my question.
IT DON'T COME EASY
George Harrison
Apple c. 1970
[Unreleased]
This song is better known, of course, in the version sung by Ringo Starr. He got by with a little help from his friend George, who here offers a demo version. It's a love song, in a sense, but there's one lyric that bears upon the discussion I was having with my friend.I don't ask for much
I only want your trust
And you know it don't come easy How naive and cynical at the same time. How George. I don't really appreciate that he raises the issue without solving it, but maybe that's his way of getting me to think for myself because he won't be there with me.
YOU'RE UP TO YOUR SAME OLD TRICKS AGAIN
Bettye Swann
c. 1969
Available on: Bettye Swann
Astralwerks : 2004
[Buy It]
ILL PLACED TRUST
Sloan
Never Hear the End of It
Sony BMG : 2007
[Buy It]
So how do you get someone to trust you? Well, not this way, obviously. If you say you want to meet for lunch, don't show up and say you're not hungry and keep looking at your watch. That's not going to create the kind of foundation you need. And don't embark upon an aggressive campaign of lying and cheating as outlined in the Sloan song (though Sloan also suggests that maybe the person who can't trust is at least partly responsible for the sad stage of affairs as a result of his creeping paranoia). Of course, these are two examples of trust songs that are love songs. Are there any songs about trust in platonic friendship? My imaginary rural grandmother liked to say, "Friends are easy to trust. That's why they're friends. Lovers are impossible to trust, at least within the context of your desire. They are both the thing that completes you and the thing you can never really possess. How can you trust that? Ooooo-eeee! Will you look at that? I just ate a fly!"
TRUST IN ME
The Fall
Fall Heads Roll
Narnack : 2005
[Buy It]
FRIENDS
The Beach Boys
Friends
Capitol : 1968
[Buy It]
Well, that's more like it.If you need an X-ray
I'll come 'round to your house and do it for free What a generous offer! I might very well need an X-ray one of these days. And the Beach Boys song, well, there's nothing crazier than Brian Wilson in the spring of 1968.You told me when my girl was untrue
I loaned you money when the funds weren't too cool
I talked your folks out of making you cut off your hair
We've been friends now for so many years
We've been together through the good times and the tears
Dim dipple ee dim dipple ay dim dipple oo dim dee aye oh The role of trust in this friendship isn't even raised! It's just assumed. Maybe it's part of "the tears." But maybe not. Maybe there's always been trust. Like I said, crazy. But Beach Boy crazy is not your run-of-the-mill crazy, and when I listened to the song again I started to think that maybe there's something to be said for the laid-back approach. I thought about this particular friend, the one from a few paragraphs ago. When I have gotten into the chicanes of distrust with her, I have tried to maneuver my way out aggressively. I have yelled. Sometimes, I have yelled with a drink in my hand. "Hey," I have said, "you should trust me!" This turns out to be stupid. If you try to compel someone else to trust you, you may well be indulging in a kind of bullying that erodes the very trust you are trying to build. I am sure that she has explained this to me, but sometimes it's hard to understand things unless you learn them from a song.Labels: ben, friends, power-pop, soul
posted by Ben
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