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Friday, December 08, 2006
THE HANGING GARDEN
The Cure
Pornography
Elektra : 1982
[Buy it]
CENTERFOLD
J. Geils Band
Freeze Frame
EMI : 1981
[Buy it]
HOMEMADE
Sebadoh
Bubble and Scrape
Sub Pop : 1993
[Buy it]
WANDERING STAR
Portishead
Dummy
Polygram : 1994
[Buy it]
Last night I was fucking this guy, hard and fast with my ankles wrapped around his neck...Wait! Sorry. That wasn't me. Where are we? I'm all confused now. Hi. Brian says MW is going the way of smut, and well, clearly I'm not blameless. Then again, who is?
I did used to write porn, back in the glamorous first years of living in mid-nineties New York on nine thousand dollars a year. I was paid fifty cents a word to write for gay men's magazines. I wrote fake letters and the occasional "feature." "You're making them take way too long to come," my butch lesbian editor would complain. "These are men. They don't need the whole build-up. Just have them, meet, fuck, come, and then close with something funny." I rolled my eyes at the time, but now, as an editor, I see the true brilliance of that formula. If only she could sit in on some MFA workshops at Iowa, I'd be spared piles of overwritten overly-precious overly-boring stories about people committing adultery but never actually fucking. Or being funny.
Portishead was a joke among my friends; it was the go-to seduce-a-slightly-punky-girl record back then. "Then he put Dummy on," would go the story, and we'd smirk and giggle knowingly. I was so tired of thinking of different ways to refer to a penis for my porn stories that I had very little interest in real ones. But who knows? Maybe the Portishead maneuver even worked on me. Once or twice.Labels: joanna, smut
posted by Joanna
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