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Monday, January 30, 2006
FREAKY PUMPS
Fat Lip
The Loneliest Punk
The Lab : 2005
[Buy It]
360 DEGREES
Grand Puba
Reel To Reel
Elektra : 1992
[Buy It]
ONE MORE CHANCE
The Notorious Biggie Smalls
Ready To Die
Bad Boy : 1994
[Buy It]
WHY YOU WANNA GET FUNKY WITH ME?
Del The Funky Homosapien
Future Development
Hieroglyphics : 1998
[Buy It]
Writing about music is like talking about fucking.
-John Lennon
It's no secret that pretty much the best thing two or more people can do with each other is fuck. And, judging by the sounds that sometimes come out of the alley just outside of MW's Astoria Bureau's offices, there's been quite a bit of fucking going on in, among other places, public.
Now, Americans are a fairly voyueristic lot but, to be honest, we at MW don't especially enjoy listening to our neighbors fuck. Other people's moans and groans lose their appeal by six in the morning or so, and there's something, well, gauche about letting the block know you're about to come, that you are coming, that you're still coming, and that you finally fucking came. Invite us over, mate. Or shut the fuck up.
But songs about fucking? Go figure, 'cause they get our hearty support. After all, if getting up on the stage is a fancy way of saying "LOOK AT ME," why shouldn't America's entertainers go the extra inch and say "LOOK AT MY DICK"? It's a moot point, since looking at dick is more or less what America's listeners have been doing since 1952, when Bull Moose Jackson recorded his "Big Ten Inch Record":
Got me the strangest woman
Believe me, this trick's no cinch
But I really get her going
When I whip out my big, 10-inch
Record of a band that plays the blues
Well a band that plays its blues
She just love my big, 10-inch
Record of her favorite blues*
(Those so inclined might take this moment to seek out Bessie Smith's "I Want Some Sugar In My Bowl," which Nina Simone cleaned up considerably just as the sexual revolution was nearing its peak, or Billie Holiday & Louis Armstrong's duet on "Sweet Hunk of Trash," in which Louis stays out so late, it sure makes Billie ma.........d to wait. On a related note, here's what Little Richard will never forget about Buddy Holly:
Buddy and I were real good friends. He was a nice guy and he used to idolize my music. He'd go out and do my songs before I came on. He would sit there and watch my stage act. Every show that I would do. And when I got ready to have an orgy, Buddy would come up too. He was huge! I'd never seen anyone that big in my life!
Buddy liked Angel. He was a wild boy for the women. One time we were playing at the Paramount Theater and Buddy came to my dressing room while I was jacking off with Angel sucking my titty. Angel had the fastest tongue in the West. Well, she was doing that to me and Buddy took out his thing. He was ready, so she opened up her legs and he put it in her. He was having sex with Angel, I was jacking off, and Angel was sucking me, when they introduced his name on stage! He was trying to finish and went to the stage still fastening himself up. I'll never forget that.
And what John Lennon really thought of Hunter Davies' "authorized" Beatles bio:
Well, it was really bullshit.... And I wanted a real book to come out, but we all had wives and didn't want to hurt their feelings.... You know, I mean the Beatles' tours were like Fellini's Satyricon.... Such a heavy scene it was. They didn't call them groupies then, they called it something else. But if we couldn't have groupies we'd have whores and everything, whatever. Whatever was going.)
In any case, the songs you'll find above aren't the best of this, the first of the other, or overly representative of anything in particular - just tunes we might play whislt feeling especially fuckish. Songs like the ones you'll find on Fat Lip's solo debut, which hit a high point with the Humpty-Hump/Shock-G collab. "Freaky Pumps," and signaled an improvement, of sorts, over the standard sex rap's misogynistic tendencies:
Whatcha do with them?
Hit'em and quit'em,
'Less they got a brain up in them
In which case I charge them with felony freaking....
and then I quit'em.
"360 Degrees" isn't as sexy, but does feature some swordsmanship on Puba's part. And the Notorious B.I.G.'s "One More Chance" isn't a record so much as a Homeric ode to the male member - it's the sine qua non of sex raps:
When it comes to sex, I'm similar to the thriller
In Manila
Honeys call me Bigger the condom filler
Genius rapper Del The Funky Homosapien's "Why You Want To Get Funky With Me" concerns a social disease which might finally get some public attention, now that it's hit the Ivy Leagues. It's not a sex rap, either, but not for lack of trying on the artist's part.** (Del's cousin, Ice Cube, is far more confident, and fares somewhat better in the bedroom, on "You Can Do It," which features "dick for days," and "ass for weeks.") Let's not even get into 2 Live Crew, Method Man's star turn on Raekwon's "Ice Cream Man," or the many lady rappers who can more than hold their own, in and out of the bedroom. Instead, let's all admit that writing about music is a bit like talking about fucking, but that, depending on the circumstances, talking about fucking is almost as good as the act itself.
* Obsessive googlers might note that the quote-unquote first rock-and-roll song - Ike Turner & Jackie Brenston's 1951 single, "Rocket 88" - was followed, a few months later, by Todd Rhoad's "Rocket 69."
** Incidentally, She shook me off/Like a moth is an especially agile, startling image: Is she shaking him off as if he were a moth? Or is she shaking - fluttering - like a moth herself?Labels: alex, hip-hop, sex
posted by Alex
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